Email response from Santa: RE: Dead Celebrity naughty/nice list

Hi Chad,

Santa here (HO HO HO), thanks for your email about what dead celebrities made the naughty or nice list this year. Nothing makes me feel better than taking time away from making toys and spreading the joy of the season more than answering your endless stream of pointless email requests that make me want to remove my brain with a FUCKING SHOTGUN!.

I am providing you with this confidential information so you will stop calling my house (drunk) at all hours babbling on and on about pointless ponzi schemes you want me to participate in and continuously jamming my gmail account with gay porn. Stay the hell away from me, forever.

Sincerely,

Santa

PS – DO NOT post this on your stupid Blog that no one reads or that dogshit Facebook page of yours. I hate you so much.


Dead Celebrity Naughty/Nice list 2009 (part 1 of 2)

NICE: Ricardo Montalban- He made us laugh and cry through the magic of Fantasy Island and coffee commercials but he makes the nice list because he was way ahead of the curve in making midgets popular on TV.

NAUGHTY: Michael Jackson- Ahhh MJ…there isn’t a list naughty enough for the things you did in your way too long life. My only regret is that I didn’t get to give you what I had in my sack this year…a box cutter to the cock.

NICE: Bea Arthur- She’s every guys go to person to think about when trying to avoid premature ejaculation. Now that she’s dead she’s even more of a hard on killer and we love her for it.

NAUGHTY:Adam Michael Goldstein (DJAM) - The pilot of the plane crash you were in was trying to play Santa and give the greatest gift of all, a world without you and that fucktard from Blink 182; but you messed it up and didn’t die. Thank God you got the hint and killed yourself with drugs.

NICE: David Carradine- He was in Kung Fu…so, you know…that was pretty cool I guess.

NAUGHTY: Ed McMahon- You’re responsible for guys at every party for the last 30 years saying “AHH OHHHH” and “You are CORRECT sir!”. Fuck you Ed.

NICE: Billy Mays- Your energy and life force will be missed. I blame your Coke dealer that kept coming at you with unbelievable one time offers and kept letting you pay for drugs in 4 easy installments.

NAUGHTY: John Hughes- You would have had to make 150 sequels to “Ferris Buellers day off” to make up for “Home Alone” you fucking hack.

NICE: Patrick Swayze- Near the end he looked like something a skeleton puked up but this only endeared him to me more as I loved the fact that I could now kick the piss out of Dalton.

NAUGHTY: Natasha Richardson- overheard @ Mt Trembant: Bonjour MADEMOISELLE Richardson, aimeriez-vous dépenser le supplémentaire 9,00 Canadien pour ajouter un casque à votre packet de location ? Non, zut alors !




Santa seems a little bitter this year….no?

Have a wonderful Holiday season full of magic, wonder and merriment.

Chadwick. M Smith